I finally have another update. It was the fuse box in the driver's side dash... some sort of internal fault I guess.
Someone in a Facebook group said they had the same issue and suggested I replace the BCM. So i ordered the donor BCM attached to a fuse box on eBay. After swapping the BCM to no affect, I decided to instead just swap the fuse box and that did the trick.
So, if you've ever got intermittent radio, wipers, and AC compressor clutch, or they otherwise suddenly all go out at the same time, I would go straight to the in-cabin fuse box. I found SO many dead end forum posts of folks with the exact same issue but never reporting the solution. I checked all fuses, relays, traced wires, re-seated every connector I could possibly find under the dash and in the engine bay. Took to a shop and then the dealership who both just wanted to drain my bank account for hours of diag and repairs that might possibly maybe fix the issue "we don't know" Tried absolutely everything. And in the end, it was the fuse box.
Someone in a Facebook group said they had the same issue and suggested I replace the BCM. So i ordered the donor BCM attached to a fuse box on eBay. After swapping the BCM to no affect, I decided to instead just swap the fuse box and that did the trick.
So, if you've ever got intermittent radio, wipers, and AC compressor clutch, or they otherwise suddenly all go out at the same time, I would go straight to the in-cabin fuse box. I found SO many dead end forum posts of folks with the exact same issue but never reporting the solution. I checked all fuses, relays, traced wires, re-seated every connector I could possibly find under the dash and in the engine bay. Took to a shop and then the dealership who both just wanted to drain my bank account for hours of diag and repairs that might possibly maybe fix the issue "we don't know" Tried absolutely everything. And in the end, it was the fuse box.