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Old 07-09-2018, 11:05 PM   #321 (permalink)
 
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A vagrant was looking for a handout in a picturesque old English village. Hungry almost to the point of fainting, he stopped by a pub bearing the classic name, Inn of St. George and the Dragon.

"Please, ma'am, could you spare me a bite to eat?" he asked the lady who answered his knock at the kitchen door.

"A bite to eat?" she growled. "For a sorry, no-good bum—a foul-smelling beggar? No!" she snapped as she almost slammed the door on his hand.

Halfway down the lane the tramp stopped, turned around, and eyed the words, St. George and the Dragon. He went back and knocked again on the kitchen door.

"Now what do you want?" the woman gruffed.

"Well, ma'am, if St. George is in, may I speak with him this time?"
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Old 08-09-2018, 12:48 PM   #322 (permalink)
 
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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Old 08-09-2018, 10:33 PM   #323 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by turblediesel View Post
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Makes me drool just thinking about it.
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Old 08-10-2018, 01:18 AM   #324 (permalink)
 
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A guy steps to the curb and hails a cab. One pulls over immediately and he gets in just as it starts to rain.

The cab driver says, "Wow, you're as lucky as Bob Perkins."

"What do you mean?"

"A minute later and you would have been stuck walking in the rain. Something like that would never happen to Bob Perkins."

"Bob Perkins?"

"You've never heard of Bob Perkins? I can tell you're not that much like him, because we're about to get stuck in traffic, and that never happened to old Bob."

"So this Bob guy is lucky?"

"Oh, no. Bob makes his own luck. He's a go-getter. Smart, and not just book smart. A good provider with an instinct for getting ahead in business."

"So this Bob guy works hard?"

"He puts in the hours and the effort. He knows that there are no shortcuts to success."

"Sounds like a workaholic."

"Oh, no. Bob knows how to have a good time. He knows wines, and how to get a good table in a restaurant, and what to order."

"Sophisticated, then."

"You could say that. Snappy dresser, too. Suits fitted perfectly, shoes shined, not a hair out of place."

"So a bit fancy."

"Well, when you're in the kind of shape that Bob's in, anything you wear looks good. He could have gone pro on either the tennis or golf tour. And boy can he dance. He could have been on Broadway."

So Bob gets around a lot."

"You'd think so, but nothing makes Bob happier than working around the house, fixing any little thing that goes wrong before it can become a big problem."

"Wow, this Bob sounds like quite a guy. Where did you meet him?"

"Oh, we never met. Bob died and I married his widow."
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