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Old 10-12-2017, 08:31 PM   #301 (permalink)
 
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A young guy and his boss on a business trip board a train headed through the mountains on its way to the west coast. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young employee are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but Im glad she slapped him.

The boss is sitting there thinking, I didnt know the young guy was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadnt missed him when she slapped me!

The young woman was sitting and thinking, Im glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!

The young employee sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!
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Old 10-16-2017, 03:22 PM   #302 (permalink)
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A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. "Damn it" he said.

He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.

His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.

This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.

As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.

The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn't believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up and walked over to the farm yard.

He walked up to his wife very irate and shouted at her "I told you to bring me over a pair of pliers for my tractor, it was broken down"

His wife snapped back "yeah, but I told you, there was a pair in the box under the seat".
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:36 PM   #303 (permalink)
 
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What do you call an alligator wearing a jacket with no sleeves?



An investigator
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:49 PM   #304 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Jo6pak View Post
What do you call an alligator wearing a jacket with no sleeves?



An investigator
I laughed at that harder than I should have.
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:00 PM   #305 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by CzarKJ View Post
I laughed at that harder than I should have.
Slow jokes sneak up and bite.



Everyone probably knows to call out "gator!" when you see a semi-retread lying alongside the road....

Response, "No! It's a croc(k)! See the smile?"
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Old 11-01-2017, 11:59 PM   #306 (permalink)
 
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“I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandpa.


Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
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Old 01-31-2018, 09:05 PM   #307 (permalink)
 
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"Do you know why the English like warm beer?

Because Lucas makes refrigerators too."

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G870A using Tapatalk
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Old 02-01-2018, 04:33 PM   #308 (permalink)
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A Redhead, a Brunette, and a Blonde were stuck on a desert island. One day while on the beach, they found a bottle with a Genie in it.

The Genie said, "Ladies...To be fair I'll give you each a wish.

The redhead pushed her way to the front and said, "I miss my family. I wish I was there with them." She vanished and the Genie turned to the Brunette.

She said, "I sure miss my husband. I wish I was with him." She vanished. The Blonde was impressed.

So, the Genie said, "It's your turn. What do you wish for?" The Blonde said, "I sure miss my friends, I wish they were here..."
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Old 04-14-2018, 12:23 AM   #309 (permalink)
 
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Farmer Jones walked to town and bought an anvil, two chickens, a bucket and a goose. "Now how will I carry all this home?" he asked a clerk. The clerk said, "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand."

"Thanks," said the farmer, and off he went.

Soon a woman asked if he knew the way to Drury Lane. "I live on Drury Lane," he said. "Let's cut through the alley and I'll show you."

"I'm a lonely widow with no one to protect me," she said. "How do I know you won't push me against the wall and have your way with me?"

"Holy smoke," said Jones. "I'm carrying an anvil, a bucket, two chickens and a goose. How could I do that?"

The lady said, "Put the goose down, cover him with the bucket and put the anvil on top. I'll hold the chickens."
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Old 04-15-2018, 07:51 PM   #310 (permalink)
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Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was checking over one of his Jeeps for an upcoming off roading trip.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your Jeeps.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
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03 OVERLAND EDITION, Timberline Green Pearlcoat, JBA 2.5 inch Total Control Lift, Kilby gas tank skid, Skid Row, 4XGuard mixture, MOABs, 265-70-16s, 4.10s, Mudds bumper
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